One hand clapping

If I asked you to “listen” silently to this page for 4’33”, would that be a copyright violation?

What if I attached a 4’33” long mp3 of silence?

If I recorded it myself, would that be a forgery or a performance?

What if I used a kazoo instead of a piano?

Would 4’34” of silence be a derivative work?

Would 15″ of silence, accompanied with this commentary, be an acceptable use excerpt?

Would the sound of one hand clapping be the appropriate sign of appreciation?